Where It All Began ..

This article was the result of an interview I did with parenting blogger, Maria Adcock. It highlights my life experiences and what guided me to this profession.

Photo: Gina DiVincenzo and dad

Advice for Third Culture Kids from a Former One

July 8, 2019 by Maria Adcock (reprinted with permission from Bicultural Mama)

If you grew up in different countries, you may have been known as “the kid who moved around a lot.” But there’s actually a term for this. “Third Culture Kids” is the phrase coined to describe children who grew up in cultures other than the ones their parents grew up in.

We often read about parenting a third culture kid, but it’s not always that we hear from third culture kids themselves regarding their experiences growing up.

Gina DiVincenzo, a 44-year-old social worker, wife, and a mother of one, grew up as a third culture kid. She was born in Milan, Italy, to American parents. Her father’s job in international business and consulting required him to make many moves globally. Throughout her childhood, Gina lived in not only Italy, but also Canada, Indonesia, Puerto Rico, and Singapore. She attended college and graduate school in New York where she currently resides.

Growing up around the globe has provided her with many cultural experiences which have helped to form her perspectives. In this piece, Gina shares what she’s learned growing up as a global citizen and offers tips to current third culture kids and their parents.

Bicultural Mama: What did you enjoy about being a Third Culture Kid?

Gina DiVincenzo: “It was exciting! There was always a new place and a new adventure. I’m a friendly person so I loved meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. In each place we lived, we traveled in the area so were able to see a lot more than just the town we lived in. We traveled the world as a family.”

Bicultural Mama: What were some challenges as a Third Culture Kid?

Gina DiVincenzo: “One of the hardest parts of being a Third Culture Kid was when I was really happy in one place and then had to move. It was always difficult to say goodbye to the friends I made.”

“Another challenge was that in some places, I was not treated nicely for being American. Political tensions would affect me when I interacted with local children. I would cry a lot. I coped by focusing on my academics and did great in school as a result.”

“Regarding stability, it was sometimes hard. I felt like I had no real roots and no connection to my extended family because we always moved. Emotionally, this was difficult.”

Bicultural Mama: What were your favorite places to live in and why?

Gina DiVincenzo: “Milan, Italy felt like home. I spent my young childhood there from birth to age 6 and really identified with the Italian culture.”

“I also loved Indonesia and lived here during middle school. The culture was amazing! It felt very spiritual, and I was so happy there. Indonesia was so beautiful, and the nicest people resided there. I got to know some of the locals really well and interacted with them on a daily basis.”

“Singapore was one of my favorites! I was in high school. It was a lot of fun, and I made really good friends. There was a strong American expat community. I loved the school I attended. I enjoyed the lifestyle and had the independence to take the subway everywhere. It was very safe.”

Bicultural Mama: What are some important things you learned as a Third Culture Kid?

Gina DiVincenzo: “I learned to open my mind to differences — different cultures, different governments — and became aware of how others lived outside of America.”

“I also appreciated the freedoms received as an American and didn’t take things for granted. One example is freedom of the press. In some countries that I lived in, the government censored the press. Articles would be blacked out, for example. Another example is how children’s negative behavior could mess up their families’ lives. For example, in another country I lived in, there was no tolerance for drugs. I remember hearing about a teen who was caught using drugs. His father lost his job, and his family was exported out of the country. I really learned to respect other cultures.”

“I gained awareness of global citizenship and interconnectedness. We’re all human with similar needs, aspirations, joys, and sadness. I became very appreciative of this global view.”

Bicultural Mama: Do you have any regrets about moving around so much?

Gina DiVincenzo: “I have zero regrets. I would have liked to have had someone to talk to, like a counselor, to help me process my emotions regarding having to move around a lot. Someone who understood the instability piece. But overall, I gained so much from the experiences growing up that I have no regrets.”

Photo: Gina DiVincenzo

Gina’s Advice for Current Third Culture Kids  

Reach out and talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Someone who can acknowledge your circumstances. Someone who can understand that what you’re going through is different. Try talking to a classmate, parent, or teacher about your experiences — the good and the bad. If you’re having any issues at school, let someone know. If the first person doesn’t help, then keep asking.Don’t dismiss your feelings. Know that what you’re feeling is normal, like not fitting in or feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. Be self-aware. Know your personality. For example, if you’re introverted, it’s helpful to recognize that you might not make friends easily, so try to join a club or other activity. Give yourself permission to be who you are.Don’t be afraid to make friends. Be open to new experiences and new people. Don’t worry about how long you’ll be there. You can still make friends for life, even if you’re only in one place for a year or two. You can keep in touch with old friends while making new ones.Be curious. Soak it up – the culture and people. You may not have this chance again. Recognize you’re in a unique situation with a lot of opportunities. Write about it, cry about it, sing about it, talk about it. Express yourself!

Gina’s Advice for Parents of Third Culture Kids

Find an expat community who can give support and advice such as recommendations for doctors, how to get around your new city and resources for raising children.Collaborate with teachers and counselors to be your child’s advocate. Moving to a new country may be difficult for you as a parent, but also keep in mind it is also challenging for your child.Be self-aware of your own feelings and get outside support if you need help processing them. Don’t process your feelings with your kids as it may not be age appropriate.Listen to your children. Ask them how their day was and if there are any issues at school academically or socially. Find a counselor even if there are no issues so that they have a connection for support. Don’t wait until they need it to find resources that can help. It can be very difficult for children to understand what’s going on.Get children’s books about Third Culture Kids, moving to a new town, and being the new kid. Look online for groups that can provide support and resources.

Knowing how to navigate the ups and the downs is important not only for Third Culture Kids but also for their parents. Awareness is key. The world of Third Culture Kids is an exciting one that can provide many unique opportunities and perspectives. In the end, Third Culture Kids become global citizens – a gift of a lifetime.